In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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