the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
tell me about the eggs
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
