Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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