hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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