I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize