It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
