with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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