oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize