i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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