Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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