Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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