just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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