Soap is not a condiment
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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