Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
