I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
