So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
