she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
