And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
