I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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