How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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