So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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