apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
