I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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