What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
