see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
