So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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