You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
