alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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