dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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