he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
