hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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