Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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