I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
