Don't make out with my wife yet
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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