I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Boobs are out for the taking
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
