He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
