You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Are we still banned from the library?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
