I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
