He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
