You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
