You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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