the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
