take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
