After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it's great music for shaving your balls
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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