Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
