i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
