you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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