walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
