her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am naked and annoyed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
