ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
