Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize