She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
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