Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
