the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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