sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
