Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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