Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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