the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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