She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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