Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
