I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
