I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
