i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
