you guys were way drunker than both of me
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
