I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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