hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
