Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
